Missing pieces

So, I've been thinking about this voicelessness of mine, and it occurs to me that there are a few specific factors that are contributing to this flailing-in-the-water feeling that I have when I try to commence creative writing these days.

First, I can tell that I lack depth. My comments, posts, and even my thoughts are much more skimming and shallow than they were a year or two ago, I believe. I confess I am not sure how to go about regaining depth. Maybe I should slow down when writing, even when I'm only commenting on Facebook or posting on someone's blog. Maybe I need to pick two or three places online and focus on making actual contributions to them. (Maybe I need to be offline more.)

Oh yeah, I also lack focus. I can't even blame it on becoming a mother. I have such a variety of interests and curiosities that I flit from topic to idea like a butterfly on crack. (And now I am wondering if anyone has introduced butterflies to crack.) Related to this, the things I most enjoy in life (e.g. cooking, reading, makeup, crafting, hiking, singing, etc) are things that I am good at, but I don't excel in them. I'm not sure I excel in anything, to be honest, and that bothers me, because I like to have goals. (I mean, I do have goals, like "Work on organizational skills", "Be kind", and "Pick up rosemary and couscous at the store." But those are hard to measure.)

I think discipline is the third main ingredient that's absent. (Please note that these are not excuses. I am trying to figure out what is broken so that I can try to fix it. I made this mess myself.) That's partly why I am starting up this blog, even if nobody sees it. I am going to post thoughts and get back into the habit, and hopefully as I jolt and lurch along, the cogs will eventually regain their smooth rotation.

I dwell in Possibility.